Today I went for my 37th week prenatal.
And it scared the living poo put of me.
To start off with...in all honesty I wasn't even going to GO to my prenatal because I didn't feel like sitting there 2 hours.
But I went anyway because I knew I would worry and feel bad if I didn't.
As it turned out..I didn't have to wait to long.
I got in within a few minutes and Doc was in the room a few more minutes after that.
I always get my BP done first..and then he measures me...leaving the babies heartbeat (thee best part of the whole visit!!!) till last!
Never, In any of my pregnancies have they ever had trouble finding a heartbeat.
They squish the goo on and as soon as that wand touches mee tummy, voila! Instant heart beat. So I was laying there quite relaxed ready to listen to the heartbeat, thinking to myself that it was probably going to be one of the last times I actually got to hear it.
So he put the wand on my tummy and nothing.
He moves it to the other side and nothing.
Moves it back and forth...up and down....and nothing.
About 30 seconds has gone by and Im starting to panic.
I look up at Doc..who's biting his lip...and concentrating.
He moves the wand all over again...still nothing.
By this time my mouth has gone dry, Im starting to shake and REALLY panic.
Doc looks at me and says,
"Do we know what this baby is?"
I said,
"Its a girl."
He says expectantly..
"And she's been kicking like crazy right?"
I said..
"Yes." trying to think when the last time I felt her move was. I was positive it was at lunch...but maybe I was wrong?
HE moves the wand ever so slightly..noticing my obvious despair and finds a heartbeat.
I start to breath a sigh of relief, when I realise that the heart beat is quite a bit slower than usual. He grabs my wrist and starts to take my pulse.
He shakes his head ever so slightly and says.."Nope. We're picking up YOUR heartbeat..."
By this time Im really starting to get upset.
All the horror stories about still births always start with..."I had a regular Dr's appt and thats when they couldn't find the heartbeat."
He says he wants to try lower on my tummy. He says he has a feeling she is really low and scrunched up down there. I said.."So I shouldn't start panicking yet?"
He smiles and says, "NO!"
He moves down lower, goo's me up again , turns the dopler back on and...nothing.
Tears are stuck in my eyelashes and Im trying to process what is happening..why isn't LAUNI here?
He moves the wand lower and turns it to the side and....FINALLY, he gets the heartbeat.
I let out a huge sigh of relief and almost throw up.
Doc even lets out a sigh and says.."Perfect HB..healthy as a horse!!"
Obvious relief washes over his face.
We talk briefly about what a brat she is!!!
I get in the car and drive home.
I barely make it to the door before I start bawling.
I feel completely traumatized.
*sigh*
Launi comes to my rescue. I tell him what happened as he pats my head, and is very understanding.
I still feel as though my heart has been bruised.
Anyway...thank god she is "okay"...though I definitely could have done without all the drama! Thats a girl for you....
xox
d
Friday, May 23, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Heads and Pelvis's and Things
I had forgotten how much it hurts to have a boney head, lodged in your boney pelvis.
:(
When Im not pee'ing...I feel like I have to pee. And if I don't feel like I have to pee, then Im anticipating finding a bathroom because I know that in 5 minutes I will HAVE to pee.
This is the MOST irritating at night time when Im trying to sleep.
I got up to pee 7 times last night.
7!!!!!!!!!!
If Im lucky, by the time I get up Ive had a good solid 2 hours of sleep.
This isn't to mention the bloody insomnia that has me up well past 3:00am.
Thank god Launi has been home and he gets up with Lijie (the human rooster) and lets me sleep a bit in the morning. If not for that, Im sure I would be a walking zombie.
Bought a few more things for the wee miss today.
Ran into a girl we know and she is due in 8 days. She is doing any and everything to try and get that baby out NOW.
Kinda of know how she feels, though fear keeps me from any odd home remedies.
I have a feeling that this bebee may come early. I have been having some pre-labor/early labor symptoms...but as we all know, those can go on for WEEKS before labor starts. So Im not holding my breath.
Had a dream I had the baby and it was actually my dog Fyn.
I kept letting everyone hold and admire her, and I kept repeating, "I will so happy when she is past her dog stage."
Im still perplexed by that one...
:(
When Im not pee'ing...I feel like I have to pee. And if I don't feel like I have to pee, then Im anticipating finding a bathroom because I know that in 5 minutes I will HAVE to pee.
This is the MOST irritating at night time when Im trying to sleep.
I got up to pee 7 times last night.
7!!!!!!!!!!
If Im lucky, by the time I get up Ive had a good solid 2 hours of sleep.
This isn't to mention the bloody insomnia that has me up well past 3:00am.
Thank god Launi has been home and he gets up with Lijie (the human rooster) and lets me sleep a bit in the morning. If not for that, Im sure I would be a walking zombie.
Bought a few more things for the wee miss today.
Ran into a girl we know and she is due in 8 days. She is doing any and everything to try and get that baby out NOW.
Kinda of know how she feels, though fear keeps me from any odd home remedies.
I have a feeling that this bebee may come early. I have been having some pre-labor/early labor symptoms...but as we all know, those can go on for WEEKS before labor starts. So Im not holding my breath.
Had a dream I had the baby and it was actually my dog Fyn.
I kept letting everyone hold and admire her, and I kept repeating, "I will so happy when she is past her dog stage."
Im still perplexed by that one...
Monday, May 19, 2008
36 weeks!!
I have 26 days left!! (According to my ticker...)
WOW!
The past few days have been somewhat eye opening for me.
For the past 6 weeks Ive been really anxious/nervous/scared/etc etc etc about everything. The birth, the baby, how Lijie is going to handle everything, etc etc etc. All things that I have no control over. And all things that are going to happen whether I like it or not, so whats the point in worrying right?
Ive been losing focus on the things Im excited about. Adding to our family, A GIRL, just having her here, smelling her head, introducing her to Lijie, a newborn in the house again, etc etc etc. There are many joys and exciting things to come. I know that there will be days that I'll sit in chaos and wonder, "What in the HELL am I doing?" ...but all those days come to an end eventually. Im ready for whatever will come. I don't have alot of expectations...I will just take things as they come, one day at a time.
Confiding my fears during a recent rant to a friend of mine who is also pregnant (with her 4th!!) very greatly helped to put me back in the moment!! I needed this reminder, so Im including it in my post. Thank you Erin!! I read this over and over again and it helps. :)
Dani...dani.... stop the worries. I did enough of it when I was pregnant with Thor, and in the end, what everyone told me was true...none of the worries matter as soon as you see her little face. All the stuff I was scared about (DO NOT watch your previous birthing videos a month before you're due) well it just didn't matter. I worried about sharing rooms/car seats all the sleepless nights... and it all worked out.
Am I helping, probably not. Here's what I learnt from that pregnancy/birth. Labor will hurt, but it is better each time, it does in fact end, even though it feels as though it never will, and once he was born, I felt something more with him then I had felt with the others...not a greater love, but I was so much more at peace with each child...so I was instantly in love with him, because I knew what to expect and what I was doing. Does that make sense?
I learnt, not to worry, so with this one...ahh whatever, it's gonna hurt, but it will all be okay in the end. It's taken me 4 pregnancies to get to this point though. And now I have to squeeze one more baby into our house/rooms...but it will all be good. They can share, even if they are small rooms...it will work. I'm NOT going to stress myself over things that just don't matter anymore. I have done enough of that.
I think what worries me most these days is the mess/aftermath on my body that is going to be left. The surgeries and what is to come after. That scares me... the unknown. That and well...what will Thor be up to, while I am taking care of/nursing this baby. I think my house will never be the same again.
Ive been feeling pretty good. Very tired...and in need of a nap ALOT of the time. I need to get results of my diabetes test and the Group B strep. Im supposed to go in on the 22nd for another prenatal...I would assume I will get those results then.
I also have another ultrasound booked for thee 30th!! That should be exciting. They will estimate weight and all that good stuff. Launi is paranoid that they are going to say "OH LOOK..its actually a boy." He makes me laugh.
So he is particularily interested in this ultrasound!!!
I just want them to confirm that she isn't 11lbs!!!!
Lijie has his pediatric allergist appointment in calgary that week as well. So its going to be reallllly busy. Im looking forward to that appointment as well. We've had it booked for 10 months. Hopefully it will give us some of the answers that we need.
Anyway..we're chuggin' along...things are looking good. :)
WOW!
The past few days have been somewhat eye opening for me.
For the past 6 weeks Ive been really anxious/nervous/scared/etc etc etc about everything. The birth, the baby, how Lijie is going to handle everything, etc etc etc. All things that I have no control over. And all things that are going to happen whether I like it or not, so whats the point in worrying right?
Ive been losing focus on the things Im excited about. Adding to our family, A GIRL, just having her here, smelling her head, introducing her to Lijie, a newborn in the house again, etc etc etc. There are many joys and exciting things to come. I know that there will be days that I'll sit in chaos and wonder, "What in the HELL am I doing?" ...but all those days come to an end eventually. Im ready for whatever will come. I don't have alot of expectations...I will just take things as they come, one day at a time.
Confiding my fears during a recent rant to a friend of mine who is also pregnant (with her 4th!!) very greatly helped to put me back in the moment!! I needed this reminder, so Im including it in my post. Thank you Erin!! I read this over and over again and it helps. :)
Dani...dani.... stop the worries. I did enough of it when I was pregnant with Thor, and in the end, what everyone told me was true...none of the worries matter as soon as you see her little face. All the stuff I was scared about (DO NOT watch your previous birthing videos a month before you're due) well it just didn't matter. I worried about sharing rooms/car seats all the sleepless nights... and it all worked out.
Am I helping, probably not. Here's what I learnt from that pregnancy/birth. Labor will hurt, but it is better each time, it does in fact end, even though it feels as though it never will, and once he was born, I felt something more with him then I had felt with the others...not a greater love, but I was so much more at peace with each child...so I was instantly in love with him, because I knew what to expect and what I was doing. Does that make sense?
I learnt, not to worry, so with this one...ahh whatever, it's gonna hurt, but it will all be okay in the end. It's taken me 4 pregnancies to get to this point though. And now I have to squeeze one more baby into our house/rooms...but it will all be good. They can share, even if they are small rooms...it will work. I'm NOT going to stress myself over things that just don't matter anymore. I have done enough of that.
I think what worries me most these days is the mess/aftermath on my body that is going to be left. The surgeries and what is to come after. That scares me... the unknown. That and well...what will Thor be up to, while I am taking care of/nursing this baby. I think my house will never be the same again.
Ive been feeling pretty good. Very tired...and in need of a nap ALOT of the time. I need to get results of my diabetes test and the Group B strep. Im supposed to go in on the 22nd for another prenatal...I would assume I will get those results then.
I also have another ultrasound booked for thee 30th!! That should be exciting. They will estimate weight and all that good stuff. Launi is paranoid that they are going to say "OH LOOK..its actually a boy." He makes me laugh.
So he is particularily interested in this ultrasound!!!
I just want them to confirm that she isn't 11lbs!!!!
Lijie has his pediatric allergist appointment in calgary that week as well. So its going to be reallllly busy. Im looking forward to that appointment as well. We've had it booked for 10 months. Hopefully it will give us some of the answers that we need.
Anyway..we're chuggin' along...things are looking good. :)
Monday, May 12, 2008
35 weeks
Im still here.
Had another prenatal and everything looked good!!
I was assaulted by a giant q-tip for my group b strep test, but other than that everything was normal. Measuring good, BP good, head down...etc etc etc.
I was sent with a form to call for another ultrasound and the cranky lady at booking told me that there was absolutely NO appointments left and absolutely NO way they could squeeze me in.
They can fit me in , in the middle of June...which is no help as I will probably have already HAD The baby by then.
I am to consult with my Doctor and find "alternative means." (Whatever the hell that means.)
So some people are in awe over how "tiny" I am.
And others are in awe over how "HUGE" I am.
Annie says it looks like Im going to give birth to a small elephant. (She always makes me feel petite and pretty.)
Whilst others says "My, your not that big."
Perhaps those people are just trying to make me feel better. LOL.
I am smaller than I was with Lijie..I DO know that for sure. And Ive gained way less weight this time as well.
Otherwise Im fine.
Crabby at times, and really uncomfortable...and scared as hell. But fine.
I seem to have a bucket full of worries that I drag around and think about all the time.
~ppd
~the birth
~the pain
~the epidural
~being out of control
~will Lijie handle it well?
~what if I don't love this baby as much as I love Lijie?
~what if we don't bond?
~what if I die and leave launi with 2 children.
~what if something really awful and unexpected happens?
~what if I can't do it?
Those are the fears that I will admit to. Sometimes I wonder if I know what in the hell Im doing.??????????????????????????????????????
We're getting so excited to have her finally here.I am just worried about everything else.
Im pretty much all ready for her. She has a very extensive wardrobe and jewellery. :)
I shall keep updating as we go on!!
xox
d
Had another prenatal and everything looked good!!
I was assaulted by a giant q-tip for my group b strep test, but other than that everything was normal. Measuring good, BP good, head down...etc etc etc.
I was sent with a form to call for another ultrasound and the cranky lady at booking told me that there was absolutely NO appointments left and absolutely NO way they could squeeze me in.
They can fit me in , in the middle of June...which is no help as I will probably have already HAD The baby by then.
I am to consult with my Doctor and find "alternative means." (Whatever the hell that means.)
So some people are in awe over how "tiny" I am.
And others are in awe over how "HUGE" I am.
Annie says it looks like Im going to give birth to a small elephant. (She always makes me feel petite and pretty.)
Whilst others says "My, your not that big."
Perhaps those people are just trying to make me feel better. LOL.
I am smaller than I was with Lijie..I DO know that for sure. And Ive gained way less weight this time as well.
Otherwise Im fine.
Crabby at times, and really uncomfortable...and scared as hell. But fine.
I seem to have a bucket full of worries that I drag around and think about all the time.
~ppd
~the birth
~the pain
~the epidural
~being out of control
~will Lijie handle it well?
~what if I don't love this baby as much as I love Lijie?
~what if we don't bond?
~what if I die and leave launi with 2 children.
~what if something really awful and unexpected happens?
~what if I can't do it?
Those are the fears that I will admit to. Sometimes I wonder if I know what in the hell Im doing.??????????????????????????????????????
We're getting so excited to have her finally here.I am just worried about everything else.
Im pretty much all ready for her. She has a very extensive wardrobe and jewellery. :)
I shall keep updating as we go on!!
xox
d
Friday, May 2, 2008
34 weeks ~More Belly Shots~
34 weeks
Even though Im getting increasingly terrified with each day that goes by, since this will be my last pregnancy Im trying to get all I can out of it. Im trying to shove the fear aside and enjoy this last little bit.
More Pictures To Share!!
Even though Im getting increasingly terrified with each day that goes by, since this will be my last pregnancy Im trying to get all I can out of it. Im trying to shove the fear aside and enjoy this last little bit.
More Pictures To Share!!
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