6.5 weeks

Well..I almost barfed in the Kelseys parking lot today.
WEEEE! Let the good times roll......*ugd*

Im taking 8 diclectin a day and even that isn't cutting it. I still have moments (minutes, perhaps hours is a better word) of unrelenting nausea. I woke up last night at 2:00 feeling quite ill. Luckily I was able to go back to sleep and I slept until 9:00. But then my feet hit the ground and Im ... very aware of the fact that Im pregnant and barfy.

I HATE this part of pregnancy. In fact...its one of the reasons it took me so long to get back on the "horse" and do this again. I thought I might be a bit luckier this time and be able to skip this. (laughing) Right....
I hadn't been feeling to bad up until the past two days. And now I just feel gross all the time.

Im trying to get everything done in the morning before I drop Lijie off at school. Once I get home from picking him up , Im just dead tired and I don't feel up for much. So I did all my laundry, made the beds, got the dishes done and I actually made diner to. Its all ready to go for when Launi gets home. Poor fellow. Hasn't had a home cooked meal in a few days. The thought of cooking ANYTHING is ...well..its just not happening.

So yes. Week 6 and Im feeling really disgusting.
*wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

~Im also having the most bizzare dreams!!!! Vampires, and bionic hands and oh my god...just the most ridiculous, morbid dreams.

~Im bloated.

~Did I mention the nausea?! *RARGH*

Can't wait until this part is over.
*green* d
xox

6 weeks today!!

I got my email reminder that I am "6 weeks" pregnant today!!

We told everyone on my side of the family last night. :)
(Mom and Dad, Neese and Rog, Annie and Brad, Auntie and Unle) Everyone was very happy and there were many congrats and hugs. I was relieved to finally be able to tell everyone. I still have to tell Nic and a few other people. Its up to Launi to tell everyone on his side when he feels like it, however we don't see them very often, so Im not sure when that will be.


Ive been having some wicked headaches. They are all on one side of my head. The Chiro says its from my jaw. He does all these really wierd things to adjust it and my jaw feels completely beaten up..but so far no more headaches. *knocking on wood*

Other than that Ive been feeling pretty good. Just extremely tired, nauseaous and really crabby sometimes. Unfortuantely Launi gets the brunt of my moods!!!!
He's pretty smart though, he has the good sense to just ignore me when Im foaming at the mouth!!

Ive been having BIZZARE dreams to. That was another thing that I was finding odd.

If you ask Lijie if he wants a "brother or a sister" he ALWAYS says "A widdle bebee brudder". And if you ask him what he wants to NAME the baby he says.."We will call him, Flame". So that makes me LAUGH alot!!! Flame Richert.

So my diet is down to cheese, carbs, salt, bread, cheese, carbs and...oh yeah...cheese and carbs!! I can't barely stand to eat anything sweet. I just want bread and plain stuff. Im sure this will change later on. Can't drink coffee either. Which is wierd because there are many times when I crave a cup of coffee and I smell it and ...*UGD* I just can't drink it. (and that pisses me off because...well...I REALLY like my coffee and to go off it cold turkey is just not right...*sigh*)

Anyway, I have my first prenatal on November 7th. Probably won't be much of anything because Im pretty sure it will be to early to hear the heartbeat. And nothing else is fun except that part! :) Not even the 16 vials of blood they insist on taking....
I may start up with my Doctor about an epidural at this appointment!!! Never to early to make sure he knows what I WANT! :) (Though okay....9 weeks might be a tad early..)

Stick baby stick!!
xox
d

Raspberry Muffins in the AM = *a very green dani*

So I got up yesterday morning and thought happily, "YAAAAY! I saved myself a raspberry muffin for breakfast."

I heated the muffin up, and spread a thick layer of butter on it.

I sat down to enjoy the muffin and took my first bite.

Instead of feeling "cozy and happy" I thought..."Hmmm Its taking me a long time to force this muffin down my throat." and "BOY , this sure is alot sweeter than I remember them being.."

I chewed..and I chewed...and I chewed some more.
I swallowed the piece of muffin and immediately my gag reflex went on HIGH alert.

"Interesting"....I thought.

I figured, for the sake of the muffin, I should try another piece to see if it would go down easier.

Yeah. It didn't.

I got up and sadly threw the rest of the muffin in the garbage. And, I will add, I was sicker than a dog for the next hour.

SO..we've learned an important lesson...DO NOT eat Raspberry muffins in the morning when you are pregnant.

So Gross.......

Things are starting to sink in...

Well I think that its finally starting to sink in that I am pregnant.
You know how for the first week...you kind of walk around in a daze thinking.."Pfft. Right.." and then you catch yourself every few hours going.."OOOH RIGHT. Im pregnant."

I think Im finally starting to get used to the idea. I still , at times, am completely terrified..but its slowly starting to dawn on me that I am going to have another child.

All in all, Ive been feeling pretty good. I had a head ache last night, but Tylenol and going to bed seemed to take care of it. As long as I keep my stomach full and I don't go to long between eating then I don't feel to barfy. Saturday I had a bad day. I woke up feeling so surreal and "spacey". Thank goodness for Launi!! (He is ever so rational, when Im so terribly irrational.) I went back to bed and got a few more hours sleep. But I still got up and felt so tired, depressed and scared.
I thought about staying in bed all day (as thats all I felt like doing..) but I talked myself out of it and decided to get up and get on with my day. We did some shopping, then went to James hockey game. Then after that we went to diner at T&H's. By the time we got home late that night I was completely exhausted, but I was glad that I had gotten off my ass and went and did something to get my mind off everything.

I think I overwhelm myself. I worry constantly about things..and this being a pregnancy after a miscarriage isn't helping. I know that I can't compare that pregnancy to THIS one...but I do. I look for "symptoms", I get up every morning and I think.."Am I still feeling pregnant?" I guess its just something Im gonna have to ride out. I keep telling myself to just let it go and to not WORRY so much about things I have no control over. But that is so much easier said than done.

Symptoms to Date:
-boobies that feel like they've been beat up
-nausea
-mouth pooling with saliva (thank god that is lessening..*blech*)
-can't poop (don't even get me started...*ugd*)
-crazy hungry sometimes, really NOT hungry others
-craving coconut italian soda's (is that a symptom tho? )
-crazy crabby at times. Hate everyone and everything.

AND the best part...Im already wearing SOME maternity clothes.
Weeeeee!!! *insert waving fist*
My whole MIDsection is just bloated and .... *gack*
Its terribly depressing.

Oh well...

Anyway..just a small update.
5.5 weeks pregnant and hanging on.
I hope this baby does to!
xox
d

Hcg Levels: Round #2

I got my second set of HCG levels back this morning and they were: 591
So they had actually tripled in 48 hours.
So that is good news. *For now*!!!

I got up early this morning to take Fyn to the vet and I had convinced myself that I was going to receive bad news. I walked into the Dr's office and I just felt sick. So when the receptionist handed me the sheet with my results on it I was surprised, and pleased.

I still feel an overwhelming sense of nervousness with this pregnancy. But I have to start letting that go , because I think that I will ruin the "experience" for myself if I stay in a place where Im constantly worried about what MIGHT happen. Pregnancy is such a gamble to begin with. There is nothing written in stone..and there are lots of surprises and bumps along the way. So I have decided to not have any repeat HCG levels done. The rest is gonna have to be left up to fate.

Im still quite tired and sleepy alot of the time. Im catching myself being really crabby sometimes and low on patience. So Im trying to remember to pull my horns in and be nice.
Nausea still comes and goes. And Im ALREADY starting to not fit into some of my jeans. *UGD*

Other than that, nothing much else to report. Taking it a day at a time and hoping for the best.
xox
d

HCG Results: Round #1

I went to the Doctor this afternoon to get my HCG results.
My levels are at: 204.

At first I was upset because Dr B specifically said that he would like to see the numbers @ 500.
Seeing as how this is significantly lower..I was concerned.
However the walk in Doctor that I saw told me that 204 was fine, for 5 weeks. But then he immediately told me he wanted me to go to the lab tonite to have another blood draw to get the second set of numbers. From the research Ive done, 204 is a little on the low side. But what will matter even more is what the next number is at. It should be at, at LEAST double the 204. So we're hoping for 400 at the very least.

I feel many mixed emotions. Worried and nervous, and then unattached and oblivious. I think that deep down inside Im preparing myself for the worst.
I don't have a gut feeling either way. Its half and half. Sometimes I feel that Im doomed to failure where pregnancy is concerned. (Which is , Im sure, an after affect of last years miscarriage..) Sometimes I have a wave of a feeling that everything is fine. So Im really just....well, feeling stuck. At some point in time it would be nice to be able to just take a deep breath and feel like everything will be okay. And it very well might be! We will certainly know more tomorrow when I get the second set of numbers in.

Right now Im just exhausted.
I feel like I could sleep for hours.
I am having some aches and pains in my abdominal area. More like feeling of streeeeetching than anything. My boobs feel like they've taken a beating. And so far, as long as I keep my stomach full, and take my pills, then I feel pretty okay. Mostly just tired, and bloated. *blech*

Anyway, its tea time!! And time to put on my Jammie's and just relax. I can't wait until I can go to bed and put this out of my mind for a few hours. Will update tomorrow when I know what the second set of #'s is. Here's hoping...

xox
d

Anxiously Awaiting HCG Levels...

I went in and talked to my Doctor today. He was extremely excited for us. He made me do another pregnancy test for his benefit. He walked back in holding the test and he says,
"Oh My. Thats REALLY positive. Yes, thats definitely a positive."

So I went for my first set of blood work. They are checking my HCG levels and that will give us a pretty good idea as to the direction this pregnancy is heading. If the levels are "high" then there is enough hormone to sustain the baby. (For now anyway..) If they are low..then there isn't enough hormone and it likely means I will miscarry.

Oddly enough I don't really feel all that emotional about the results of the test.
And I don't mean for that to sound awful. But I think that Im in a "lets get this first part done and over with" mode. And Im just focusing on dealing with what is to come. Maybe I don't feel emotion about it because I know in the back of my head that everything will be fine?!
Or maybe I feel kind of detached because I don't want to get to excited or attached so soon. (Especially having suffered a miscarriage already..) I am just really keeping myself from feeling a whole lot right now. If I get to excited then Im worried I will be let down. I KNOW that it will do me absolutely no good to worry about it either. In fact...it will probably make things worse.
Factually I know that with the last pregnancy, the low numbers were a sign of an impending miscarriage. My HCG levels never went past 30. And even more importantly they didn't double every 24 hours like they are supposed to.

I talked to the Doc today and he said that he'd like to see my numbers at , at least 500. He said he wasn't "worried" given the blaring + on the pregnancy test. But I don't know..I know how quickly things can turn around. So Im being optimistic but guarded.
I will get my test results tomorrow evening. My fingers are crossed that it will be good news. But Im prepared to handle whatever he has to tell me. Like I said...part of me feels like everything is going to be okay. But part of me feels like I could loose "this" at any second.

Im still feeling kind gross. And to add to my symptoms, it feels like Ive been punched in the boobies!!! OWWWWWWWWW! And Im ferociously thirsty.
Im trying to avoid the nausea by taking my Diclectin regularly. That seems to be helping so far.
But I still have moments where Im feeling rather ..... green.
Im still sooooo tired. And I don't think that is going to pass anytime to soon. So Im trying to stay on schedule and steal little breaks here and there. I had a nap this evening. I could have stayed in bed.

Lijie is my first focus, and making sure that I keep him going!! He has to go to school every afternoon so I try and prepare for that as much as I can the night before. Getting his laundry done, making sure his back pack is packed up and ready to go, etc etc.

I have so many fears running through my head. Im so nervous about everything. And Im scared to. Im mostly worried about being able to handle everything that needs to be done, and making sure I keep my lips above the proverbial "water line". I keep wondering how Im going to feel in a week and then in 2 weeks and then in 3 weeks. Which I know is ridiculous because...I can't do anything about that now anyway. So Im trying to stay focused on RIGHT NOW and only look an hour into the future.

I catch myself , in the midst of all my feelings of worry and nervousness, feeling very excited.
A summer baby. :) What a great way to start off a new season.
Lijie will just be getting out of school for the summer. Its going to be tough. I know that there are going to be times its insanely busy and crazy. But I also know that it will be wonderful.

Here's hoping that the HCG levels come back promising. I will post when I have more info.
xox
d

Week 1

~October 8th 2007~



I think Im still a little bit in shock.
Saturday morning greeted me with a positive pregnancy test.
After I stared at the test, held it up to the light, turned it upside down, blinked a whole bunch, and then just STARED at it some more, I started shaking.
Holy SHIT! Could this really be happening?

I had pretty much written it off because for the past few days leading up to this, I had had some spotting and some nail biting cramps that had me reaching for the advil.

When I saw this second line pop up on the test, I was pretty skeptical.
So I did 5 more tests just to make sure.
All 6 tests..(one of them a digital) said "Pregnant".



And so here I start this blog at 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant.
As of right now, my blog and this pregnancy shall be kept a secret. Its to early to tell anyone anything. Having suffered a miscarriage last year Ive learned my lesson. I want to wait a bit before I tell anyone anything. I am scheduled for an HCG blood test tomorrow. I will know more once I have the numbers. Its actually the second set of blood work that is more telling than the first. The numbers should double every 24 hours. (The the pregnancy is progressing normally.) So once I get all that done then I will feel better.

Ive been feeling "ok". Im so exaughstedly tired. I could easily sleep all day.
My stomach has been "off". But I went to the walk in clinic Saturday afternoon and one of the fill in Doctors there wrote me a prescription for Diclectin so Ive already started taking that. It seems to help. Given how sick I was with Lijie (couldn't eat anything...and was so terribly nauseous all the time..) I know its only a matter of time. The pharmacist said to start taking it now and hopefully it will already be working by the time I really need it. (I give it another week before I REALLY start to feel gross..) Though Im pretty sure its making me more tired than I already am to begin with. Something else that is really gross...my mouth keeps pooooooling with saliva. *blech*

I have my first Dr's Appt on October 24th. (Which will probably count as my first prenatal.)

I can't believe this is all happening. I am so excited but also so so scared. I don't know why Im scared. Ive done this before. But I just feel nervous and anxious for what is to come. I know that I can't look that far ahead. I am trying to take everything 5 minutes at a time. I know that I have to be cautious for the next little bit..and so Im trying not to let myself get TO excited. I am trying to take naps (or just lay on the couch) when I can, and Im trying to stay as relaxed as possible. Im worried about how Im going to be feeling later on down the road. Im hoping that I am able to keep up with everything, and keep everything running smoothly. (Fingers crossed)
Like I said...trying to take it minutes at a time. I keep telling myself that I can handle whatever comes my way. Even if it ends up being another miscarriage..I know tha I can handle that and get past it..because Ive already done that once to.

Im trying to keep only positive thoughts in my head and every once in awhile I feel such excitement. I can't predict or know what the future holds...but for now, Im just going to take it easy and float with things.

Babies Due Date is Officially: June 14th 2008
A summer baby :)

Anyway..more about everything else later. For now I just want to keep everything quiet. My poor Annie is trying so hard to get pregnant and I know its not happening as fast as she wants it to. (Though its only been a couple of months..when you're "Trying" that feels like forever..)
Every negative test hits her so hard. :( I know that she's not feeling good right now..and that she's down. Part of me feels guilty to be pregnant, when she is struggling so hard to get there.
Im praying for her, and I have my fingers crossed for her. Its hard not being able to share this with her.

Anyway..time to get on doing what needs to be done. After the long weekend I have laundry piled up and cleaning that needs to get done before the week officially starts.
xox
d