HCG Results: Round #1

I went to the Doctor this afternoon to get my HCG results.
My levels are at: 204.

At first I was upset because Dr B specifically said that he would like to see the numbers @ 500.
Seeing as how this is significantly lower..I was concerned.
However the walk in Doctor that I saw told me that 204 was fine, for 5 weeks. But then he immediately told me he wanted me to go to the lab tonite to have another blood draw to get the second set of numbers. From the research Ive done, 204 is a little on the low side. But what will matter even more is what the next number is at. It should be at, at LEAST double the 204. So we're hoping for 400 at the very least.

I feel many mixed emotions. Worried and nervous, and then unattached and oblivious. I think that deep down inside Im preparing myself for the worst.
I don't have a gut feeling either way. Its half and half. Sometimes I feel that Im doomed to failure where pregnancy is concerned. (Which is , Im sure, an after affect of last years miscarriage..) Sometimes I have a wave of a feeling that everything is fine. So Im really just....well, feeling stuck. At some point in time it would be nice to be able to just take a deep breath and feel like everything will be okay. And it very well might be! We will certainly know more tomorrow when I get the second set of numbers in.

Right now Im just exhausted.
I feel like I could sleep for hours.
I am having some aches and pains in my abdominal area. More like feeling of streeeeetching than anything. My boobs feel like they've taken a beating. And so far, as long as I keep my stomach full, and take my pills, then I feel pretty okay. Mostly just tired, and bloated. *blech*

Anyway, its tea time!! And time to put on my Jammie's and just relax. I can't wait until I can go to bed and put this out of my mind for a few hours. Will update tomorrow when I know what the second set of #'s is. Here's hoping...

xox
d