Anxiously Awaiting HCG Levels...

I went in and talked to my Doctor today. He was extremely excited for us. He made me do another pregnancy test for his benefit. He walked back in holding the test and he says,
"Oh My. Thats REALLY positive. Yes, thats definitely a positive."

So I went for my first set of blood work. They are checking my HCG levels and that will give us a pretty good idea as to the direction this pregnancy is heading. If the levels are "high" then there is enough hormone to sustain the baby. (For now anyway..) If they are low..then there isn't enough hormone and it likely means I will miscarry.

Oddly enough I don't really feel all that emotional about the results of the test.
And I don't mean for that to sound awful. But I think that Im in a "lets get this first part done and over with" mode. And Im just focusing on dealing with what is to come. Maybe I don't feel emotion about it because I know in the back of my head that everything will be fine?!
Or maybe I feel kind of detached because I don't want to get to excited or attached so soon. (Especially having suffered a miscarriage already..) I am just really keeping myself from feeling a whole lot right now. If I get to excited then Im worried I will be let down. I KNOW that it will do me absolutely no good to worry about it either. In fact...it will probably make things worse.
Factually I know that with the last pregnancy, the low numbers were a sign of an impending miscarriage. My HCG levels never went past 30. And even more importantly they didn't double every 24 hours like they are supposed to.

I talked to the Doc today and he said that he'd like to see my numbers at , at least 500. He said he wasn't "worried" given the blaring + on the pregnancy test. But I don't know..I know how quickly things can turn around. So Im being optimistic but guarded.
I will get my test results tomorrow evening. My fingers are crossed that it will be good news. But Im prepared to handle whatever he has to tell me. Like I said...part of me feels like everything is going to be okay. But part of me feels like I could loose "this" at any second.

Im still feeling kind gross. And to add to my symptoms, it feels like Ive been punched in the boobies!!! OWWWWWWWWW! And Im ferociously thirsty.
Im trying to avoid the nausea by taking my Diclectin regularly. That seems to be helping so far.
But I still have moments where Im feeling rather ..... green.
Im still sooooo tired. And I don't think that is going to pass anytime to soon. So Im trying to stay on schedule and steal little breaks here and there. I had a nap this evening. I could have stayed in bed.

Lijie is my first focus, and making sure that I keep him going!! He has to go to school every afternoon so I try and prepare for that as much as I can the night before. Getting his laundry done, making sure his back pack is packed up and ready to go, etc etc.

I have so many fears running through my head. Im so nervous about everything. And Im scared to. Im mostly worried about being able to handle everything that needs to be done, and making sure I keep my lips above the proverbial "water line". I keep wondering how Im going to feel in a week and then in 2 weeks and then in 3 weeks. Which I know is ridiculous because...I can't do anything about that now anyway. So Im trying to stay focused on RIGHT NOW and only look an hour into the future.

I catch myself , in the midst of all my feelings of worry and nervousness, feeling very excited.
A summer baby. :) What a great way to start off a new season.
Lijie will just be getting out of school for the summer. Its going to be tough. I know that there are going to be times its insanely busy and crazy. But I also know that it will be wonderful.

Here's hoping that the HCG levels come back promising. I will post when I have more info.
xox
d