15 weeks 5 days

Just got back from a weeks vacation in BC!
Fun was had by all. And now we're trying to get back into the swing of things at home.

I was put on antibiotics..AGAIN..right before we left for holidays because I had a nasty case of bronchitis. (Probably the worst Ive had in years.)

We were able to hear the babies heartbeat at that time and it was; 150 BPM.
OOOH...sliding down into "BOY" territory!! :)

Other than that things seem to be going well. Pregnancy wise I am feeling SO much better. I don't have the awful nausea anymore. (Which is such a blessing..as I was starting to find myself getting so run down and distraught by it..)
I can pretty much eat anything now...and I do...CONSTANTLY!!

Im tired all the time. I usually have a nap most days.
The insomnia is alot better also. I am sleeping better at night.

My belly has grown alot. Im starting to find it getting "in the way". I can't wear any of my pre-pregnancy pants. They are all packed away for the time being.

I have my third prenatal on January 8th. I get scheduled for my ultrasounds then, which is VERY exciting. Im very much looking forward to that. I can't wait to see this babies "face" and find out whether its a boy or a girl. (Im really leaning more towards boy the past couple of weeks though. )

I felt the baby move a week ago to. I was laying in bed on my side/tummy (probably squishing it..) and I felt it! Little butterfly wings!! Very cool.
When we were away on holidays I felt it doing stuff to. So I laid on Launi's hand (again, "squishing" the baby) on the bed and he felt the baby dancing around in there!!

So I will end this post with another "Belly Shot".
Can't believe how big I am at only 4 months.....

13 weeks {1 day}

Well..its my 13 week update.

Ive been doing not to badly.
Im starting to not be able to sleep on my Tummy. Sometimes I wake up and Im laying on my tummy and its like..."Ow. Who put that there?" So yeah..its starting to get uncomfortable.

I have good days and bad days.
Today has been a bad day. (Pardon my venting..)

The boys have both been sick. Launi had one heck of a nasty cough and Lijie has it now and its awful. I know its his asthma that is making it worse but the poor kid is out of breath and when he coughs he sounds like a barking dog.
Im pretty sure his other tube fell out and he has fluid in his ear again so..that is disappointing. I feel bad for him. He's talking louder, not seeming to be able to hear us as well. And he's showing signs of being "frustrated" by it. So its been a "sick" week here. On top of that, now IM getting it, and coughing like crazy.

I can't seem to keep up with anything and Im so angry and frustrated about that. My house, which is usually "clean" seems like its a pigsty. I can't keep up with the laundry, dusting, mopping, .....Im just so far behind on everything. Im so exhausted...its a good day if I get diner cooked and Lijie out the door to school.

I don't feel like Im doing this pregnany all that well. I feel like....
"Im not doing it right" and that every other pregnant woman I look at, is 800 miles ahead of me. They seem to keep up with everything, take care of everything that needs to be done.
And I just feel so far behind...and like its taking alot out of me to do the "pregnant" thing. Im just so darn tired all...the time. I feel rather pathetic about it. I feel like I can't DO IT ALL..and Im not used to feeling like that. It brings up feelings of such anxiety for me.

On the flip side I feel so very blessed to be having another baby.
Its been so cool to see Lijie be involved with things, talking about the baby, hearing the heartbeat, etc. It feels like having two, our family will be "complete". Ive started to do some baby shopping...Im excited for the ultrasound so we can find out what we're having. There is so much that I am excited and happy about.
I just wish I was doing it better....

Anyway...that is my 13 week update. Everything for the time being seems like its going well. If I can just wrap my head around everything else, and maybe relax a little bit...then I will feel better.

2nd Prenatal {12 weeks 2 days}

Well I had my second prenatal today! :)

Launi and Lijie both got to come with me and we got to hear the heartbeat for the first time!! Having the boys there ..all of us together..was really cool.
Lijie was sitting on my legs the whole time (not that comfortable when your laying flat on your back..lol.) watching the Doctors every move. He was particularily interested in the green goop that they put on my belly. And he can do a PERFECT imitation of what the babies heartbeat sounds like! :)

So far all you superstitious nuts out there, who think the heartbeat has something to do with gender (and I'll admit, Im one of those people..) it was 160 bpm which spells out.....GIRL! :)

(Doctor laughed at me and said..."well not nessecarily.." And I said, "you can't argue with family folklore, and in our family, the heart beat is always right! ")

So we shall see. At my next appointment I get my ultrasound scheduled. First one is between 18-20 weeks. The second one is at around 36 weeks.

My blood pressure was perfect. And my urine dip showed that the bladder infection that Ive had for a month is finally GONE! Weeeeee! No more antibiotics.

I left the appointment feeling really excited. I was so happy that the boys could be there because...they were both smiling when they heard the heart and it was just a really neat moment. :)

Ive been feeling alot better the last couple of days and I haven't had to take anything for nausea for the last couple of days either. (Which is a good thing.)
Ive been really hungry..and dreaming ALOT about food. Its rather pathetic...

So for now all looks wonderful. The Doc said that things are going really well. :)
Keep your fingers crosed everyone!

xox
d

11 weeks 2 days

Well Im almost finally ou of the first trimester. Blessed be the Gods!!!!

I had a quick Dr's appointment today.
THe antibiotics he gave me for the UTI didn't work. I still have the baldder infection...and Ive had it for over a month!! So Im on new antibiotcs. *blech* And Im drinking cranberry juice by the gallons. Hopefully these new meds will work. Ive been feeling really run down and Im sure that the UTI is mostly to blame.

My new symptom to date is night sweats.
I woke up last night at 1:30 drenched in sweat. It was so bad I had to get up and change my shirt and put towels down on the sheets!! (For a moment I thought I pee'd myself!!) Woke up again at 4:30 soaked. Got up, changed my shirt again.
Woke up at 7:30 sopping wet. This time though, it was because Lijie had pee'd the bed, and thusly pee'd all over me. So I changed like 3 time sin less than 8 hours.

The other thing, thats happening, that I find particularily unpleasant....My ass is growing. Presumably...scientifically this makes no sense, as the baby is growing in my UTERUS. But nevertheless...I had to go and buy new underwear, as all mine were only covering 1 and 3/4 of my ass cheeks. That made me crabby!!
Also, this morning I put on my jeans and they wouldn't button up , except under extreme pain. So i had to dig out my old maternity jeans from Lijie. Of course they were to big. But I settled for the too big ones, as opposed to the pain inducing to tight ones. Ive deffinately got myself a little belly....Check it out.



Otherwise things have been alright. To be honest, I really haven't felt all that great the past couple of weeks. My back hurts, my front hurts, and Ive been pee'ing every 20 minutes. So thats been making me a little bit miserable.I hope these new antibiotcs clear everything up and I can feel somewhat like normal again. I feel like Helga the she-devil most days.

I told Lijie I was going to the Doctor today and he said..
"Are you going to get your baby out mom?"
He also looked at my belly today and asked me if there was TWIN babies in there. I said, "I don't think so!!!!!!"
And he said..."Just say yes mom..!!"
So now he is convinced its twins. And calls them "my twin babies."

Times chugging along. Im happy Ive made it this far!! :)

10.5 weeks

Thought I would pop in and send off a quick post!
I am currently 10.5 weeks and Im feeling better. YAAAAAY!
I can EAT!
Last Saturday morning I woke up craving Eggs Benedict. So Launi took me to "Phils" and I had myself a huge order of EB with hash browns and a pancake the size of a diner plate. I ate everything!!! And it tasted SO GOOD! :)
I still get waves of nausea in the evening/nighttime. But its much more bearable now.
I find myself incredibly tired at times and I so do enjoy an afternoon nap.
Otherwise, things are cruising along nicely. *knock on wood*

Did I mention that Ive been crabby?
Yeah...Launi should be sainted for putting up with me. It can be the smallest thing..and I just explode. *sigh* It makes me so mad at myself, but I feel like Im running low on patience and that makes me snarky sometimes. Im hoping that once thee hormones calm down then I will to. :) I don't remember being this awful when I was pregnant with Lijie...though, I didn't have another child to chase after either. And I could sleep whenever I wanted!! Plus that, its been stressful around here with everything that's happened in the past month.
So yes, Im working on being nicer! :)

I bought a few baby things on the weekend. I found some adorable sleepers. I bought 2 girl ones, and a boy one. They are so tiny. I am pretty sure that Ive forgotten how small they are when they are fresh outta the oven. I have a feeling Ive forgotten (blocked out) alotta things! LOL!

I haven't even scheduled my next pre-natal yet. I should do that. I am supposed to go in 2 weeks. By that time I will be close to 13 weeks.

Lijie is still insisting that the baby is a boy, and that his name is Flame.
I waffle all the time. Most of the time Im convinced its another boy. But then I get "girl" feelings to sometimes. Launi wants a girl, but says he's sure its gonna be another "delightful" boy. Heehee! :) Last time everyone in the family thought I was having a girl. So its gonna be fun this time to see what becomes of this little one. I don't really have a preference either way. I would like a girl because I know Launi wants one, and Id like to "Give" him one. But I already have a boy, and I like the sound of saying, "My boys!" :) So either way...this baby will be a blessing. Launi and I have waited a long time for this. We've really had to "work" at it. So its wonderful either way!

We have a couple of names that we like.
The girls name could change, (we're waffling on it.) But the boys name, Im pretty sure, is here to stay! More on those later!

xox
d

1st Prenatal (9 weeks 4 days)

I had my first prenatal last week!
And everything seemed to go well!

Blood pressure was great. And since Ive had no more bleeding, he told me I was free to resume my regular activities. YAAY!

Not much else to report other than a bladder infection. *blech*
I was put on antibiotics. I took them for 3 days and couldn't understand why every day I had an awful headache. I looked at the pharmacy print out and headaches were the first side effect mentioned. So I stopped taking the antibiotics. Since I can't take anything other than Tylenol for the headaches, and Tylenol was doing nothing..I was miserable. I need to go back in and get checked again to see if the UTI has fixed itself..otherwise Im sure he will put me on another round.

(And it had been a week from HELL!! UGD..for more on that...check out my family blog...we've been through alot the past week. )

Ive been feeling a bit better. I still seem to suffer from Nausea, but it seems to be more manageable. Its at its worst in the evening and through night time. But in the morning and during the day its not to bad. I can eat now. And I actually had half a cup of coffee this morning and it tasted pretty good, and settled in my tummy without making me sick. I hadn't had a cup of coffee in 2 months!!!!

Im still having the most bizarre dreams...my gawd. Last night , Heidi Klum and I were best buds and she was hiding a pair of ski's that she had bought for Seal, in my basement.
I woke up and was like...WTH? Where did THAT come from? Hehehe!! :)

Ive been shopping sales for baby clothes and odds and ends.

Still trying to figure out where Im going to "house" this baby.
Lijie has the only other room upstairs and while we have 2 bedrooms downstairs...I just don't want to move him down there yet. He still seems way to small to be down there by himself.
I guess babee will room with us for awhile and then we will figure something else out.

Otherwise Im feeling pretty good.
Just some nausea and very very very tired. I could sleep all day, and still go to bed at night and sleep all night to. I feel exhausted all the time.

I have another prenatal in about 2 weeks.
By that time I will be 12 weeks or so. :)

Im feeling better about being pregnant. After going through massive depression and anxiety the first month and a half...I finally seem to be feeling more like "myself". And maybe its partly because Im more used to the idea now. I still wake up in the middle of the night, in a panic sometimes...thinking about having 2..and handling all the new pressures that that will bring. But Im starting to feel more confident now. We've looked at car seats and cribs and what not..and that makes me feel excited. And Im starting to get a deffinate belly that is pooching out..so that makes it more real as well.

Until next time..
xox
d

8 Weeks pregnant and feeling it...

I am 8 weeks pregnant. Phew!!
(Im making it sound like Im 38 weeks pregnant..lol..)

The past week has been just insanely crazy and busy.
A reCap:

Monday night I went to bed and got up an hour later to go pee and discovered that I was bleeding. Not just spotting...but bleeding. I though to myself ... "Hmm..was I just imagining I was pregnant??"

It continued on until about 4:00am when it seemed to stop.
I didn't sleep a wink all night.
I got up early and called my mom and she took us down to the clinic where I waited what seemed like hours to see my Doc.
He pushed around on my tummy and said, "Emergency ultrasound" and a bunch of other stuff that didn't register at the time.

Launi came home from work and took me to the hospital for the ultrasound!! (After I drank about 800 gallons of water and my bladder was near exploding.)

The lady doing the ultrasound was all business, got me up on the table, squished some warm goo on my tummy..and away we went.

She took about 15 minutes and didn't say a word the entire time.
She got up to leave and said she was going to go and find a doctor to confirm her findings. And she left.
I was pretty sure we were going to recieve bad news because she didn't show me a heartbeat or anything. And from what Ive always heard from other friends and relatives...they almost always show you SOMETHING.

She came back about 20 minutes later and said
"Okay so, the pregnancy is viable. We seen a heartbeat."

Relief.
I got dressed, finally, blessedly got to pee, and went to find Launi who had been waiting patiently for over an hour. I was remembering the last time we were at the hospital, and I had to tell him that I had had a miscarriage. This time, I was going to be able to tell him good news. I found him, told him, we hugged...all was well.

I was sent back to my Dr's office and waited there for 2 hours.
When I got to talk to him, he said that the ultrasound looked good, and that I was to do nothing but rest for 10 days.

Which brings us to Friday.
I would not have been able to get through any of this without my family. They have been just great!!! Moms been taking care of Lijie, taking him to school , picking him up, keeping him busy doing things and keeping him at her house so I can rest. She's cooked us a weeks worth of meals so that I don't have to cook. Dennise and her kids have come over to do laundry and clean for me!! I haven't had to do much at all and its just been an amazing blessing to have my family help me like this. Im in awe of everyone and Im so proud to be apart of a family that is so giving.
Thank you everyone!!!

There is a beating heart inside of me! :)
What a comforting thought.......

Stick baby stick.xox
d

6.5 weeks

Well..I almost barfed in the Kelseys parking lot today.
WEEEE! Let the good times roll......*ugd*

Im taking 8 diclectin a day and even that isn't cutting it. I still have moments (minutes, perhaps hours is a better word) of unrelenting nausea. I woke up last night at 2:00 feeling quite ill. Luckily I was able to go back to sleep and I slept until 9:00. But then my feet hit the ground and Im ... very aware of the fact that Im pregnant and barfy.

I HATE this part of pregnancy. In fact...its one of the reasons it took me so long to get back on the "horse" and do this again. I thought I might be a bit luckier this time and be able to skip this. (laughing) Right....
I hadn't been feeling to bad up until the past two days. And now I just feel gross all the time.

Im trying to get everything done in the morning before I drop Lijie off at school. Once I get home from picking him up , Im just dead tired and I don't feel up for much. So I did all my laundry, made the beds, got the dishes done and I actually made diner to. Its all ready to go for when Launi gets home. Poor fellow. Hasn't had a home cooked meal in a few days. The thought of cooking ANYTHING is ...well..its just not happening.

So yes. Week 6 and Im feeling really disgusting.
*wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh*

~Im also having the most bizzare dreams!!!! Vampires, and bionic hands and oh my god...just the most ridiculous, morbid dreams.

~Im bloated.

~Did I mention the nausea?! *RARGH*

Can't wait until this part is over.
*green* d
xox

6 weeks today!!

I got my email reminder that I am "6 weeks" pregnant today!!

We told everyone on my side of the family last night. :)
(Mom and Dad, Neese and Rog, Annie and Brad, Auntie and Unle) Everyone was very happy and there were many congrats and hugs. I was relieved to finally be able to tell everyone. I still have to tell Nic and a few other people. Its up to Launi to tell everyone on his side when he feels like it, however we don't see them very often, so Im not sure when that will be.


Ive been having some wicked headaches. They are all on one side of my head. The Chiro says its from my jaw. He does all these really wierd things to adjust it and my jaw feels completely beaten up..but so far no more headaches. *knocking on wood*

Other than that Ive been feeling pretty good. Just extremely tired, nauseaous and really crabby sometimes. Unfortuantely Launi gets the brunt of my moods!!!!
He's pretty smart though, he has the good sense to just ignore me when Im foaming at the mouth!!

Ive been having BIZZARE dreams to. That was another thing that I was finding odd.

If you ask Lijie if he wants a "brother or a sister" he ALWAYS says "A widdle bebee brudder". And if you ask him what he wants to NAME the baby he says.."We will call him, Flame". So that makes me LAUGH alot!!! Flame Richert.

So my diet is down to cheese, carbs, salt, bread, cheese, carbs and...oh yeah...cheese and carbs!! I can't barely stand to eat anything sweet. I just want bread and plain stuff. Im sure this will change later on. Can't drink coffee either. Which is wierd because there are many times when I crave a cup of coffee and I smell it and ...*UGD* I just can't drink it. (and that pisses me off because...well...I REALLY like my coffee and to go off it cold turkey is just not right...*sigh*)

Anyway, I have my first prenatal on November 7th. Probably won't be much of anything because Im pretty sure it will be to early to hear the heartbeat. And nothing else is fun except that part! :) Not even the 16 vials of blood they insist on taking....
I may start up with my Doctor about an epidural at this appointment!!! Never to early to make sure he knows what I WANT! :) (Though okay....9 weeks might be a tad early..)

Stick baby stick!!
xox
d

Raspberry Muffins in the AM = *a very green dani*

So I got up yesterday morning and thought happily, "YAAAAY! I saved myself a raspberry muffin for breakfast."

I heated the muffin up, and spread a thick layer of butter on it.

I sat down to enjoy the muffin and took my first bite.

Instead of feeling "cozy and happy" I thought..."Hmmm Its taking me a long time to force this muffin down my throat." and "BOY , this sure is alot sweeter than I remember them being.."

I chewed..and I chewed...and I chewed some more.
I swallowed the piece of muffin and immediately my gag reflex went on HIGH alert.

"Interesting"....I thought.

I figured, for the sake of the muffin, I should try another piece to see if it would go down easier.

Yeah. It didn't.

I got up and sadly threw the rest of the muffin in the garbage. And, I will add, I was sicker than a dog for the next hour.

SO..we've learned an important lesson...DO NOT eat Raspberry muffins in the morning when you are pregnant.

So Gross.......

Things are starting to sink in...

Well I think that its finally starting to sink in that I am pregnant.
You know how for the first week...you kind of walk around in a daze thinking.."Pfft. Right.." and then you catch yourself every few hours going.."OOOH RIGHT. Im pregnant."

I think Im finally starting to get used to the idea. I still , at times, am completely terrified..but its slowly starting to dawn on me that I am going to have another child.

All in all, Ive been feeling pretty good. I had a head ache last night, but Tylenol and going to bed seemed to take care of it. As long as I keep my stomach full and I don't go to long between eating then I don't feel to barfy. Saturday I had a bad day. I woke up feeling so surreal and "spacey". Thank goodness for Launi!! (He is ever so rational, when Im so terribly irrational.) I went back to bed and got a few more hours sleep. But I still got up and felt so tired, depressed and scared.
I thought about staying in bed all day (as thats all I felt like doing..) but I talked myself out of it and decided to get up and get on with my day. We did some shopping, then went to James hockey game. Then after that we went to diner at T&H's. By the time we got home late that night I was completely exhausted, but I was glad that I had gotten off my ass and went and did something to get my mind off everything.

I think I overwhelm myself. I worry constantly about things..and this being a pregnancy after a miscarriage isn't helping. I know that I can't compare that pregnancy to THIS one...but I do. I look for "symptoms", I get up every morning and I think.."Am I still feeling pregnant?" I guess its just something Im gonna have to ride out. I keep telling myself to just let it go and to not WORRY so much about things I have no control over. But that is so much easier said than done.

Symptoms to Date:
-boobies that feel like they've been beat up
-nausea
-mouth pooling with saliva (thank god that is lessening..*blech*)
-can't poop (don't even get me started...*ugd*)
-crazy hungry sometimes, really NOT hungry others
-craving coconut italian soda's (is that a symptom tho? )
-crazy crabby at times. Hate everyone and everything.

AND the best part...Im already wearing SOME maternity clothes.
Weeeeee!!! *insert waving fist*
My whole MIDsection is just bloated and .... *gack*
Its terribly depressing.

Oh well...

Anyway..just a small update.
5.5 weeks pregnant and hanging on.
I hope this baby does to!
xox
d

Hcg Levels: Round #2

I got my second set of HCG levels back this morning and they were: 591
So they had actually tripled in 48 hours.
So that is good news. *For now*!!!

I got up early this morning to take Fyn to the vet and I had convinced myself that I was going to receive bad news. I walked into the Dr's office and I just felt sick. So when the receptionist handed me the sheet with my results on it I was surprised, and pleased.

I still feel an overwhelming sense of nervousness with this pregnancy. But I have to start letting that go , because I think that I will ruin the "experience" for myself if I stay in a place where Im constantly worried about what MIGHT happen. Pregnancy is such a gamble to begin with. There is nothing written in stone..and there are lots of surprises and bumps along the way. So I have decided to not have any repeat HCG levels done. The rest is gonna have to be left up to fate.

Im still quite tired and sleepy alot of the time. Im catching myself being really crabby sometimes and low on patience. So Im trying to remember to pull my horns in and be nice.
Nausea still comes and goes. And Im ALREADY starting to not fit into some of my jeans. *UGD*

Other than that, nothing much else to report. Taking it a day at a time and hoping for the best.
xox
d

HCG Results: Round #1

I went to the Doctor this afternoon to get my HCG results.
My levels are at: 204.

At first I was upset because Dr B specifically said that he would like to see the numbers @ 500.
Seeing as how this is significantly lower..I was concerned.
However the walk in Doctor that I saw told me that 204 was fine, for 5 weeks. But then he immediately told me he wanted me to go to the lab tonite to have another blood draw to get the second set of numbers. From the research Ive done, 204 is a little on the low side. But what will matter even more is what the next number is at. It should be at, at LEAST double the 204. So we're hoping for 400 at the very least.

I feel many mixed emotions. Worried and nervous, and then unattached and oblivious. I think that deep down inside Im preparing myself for the worst.
I don't have a gut feeling either way. Its half and half. Sometimes I feel that Im doomed to failure where pregnancy is concerned. (Which is , Im sure, an after affect of last years miscarriage..) Sometimes I have a wave of a feeling that everything is fine. So Im really just....well, feeling stuck. At some point in time it would be nice to be able to just take a deep breath and feel like everything will be okay. And it very well might be! We will certainly know more tomorrow when I get the second set of numbers in.

Right now Im just exhausted.
I feel like I could sleep for hours.
I am having some aches and pains in my abdominal area. More like feeling of streeeeetching than anything. My boobs feel like they've taken a beating. And so far, as long as I keep my stomach full, and take my pills, then I feel pretty okay. Mostly just tired, and bloated. *blech*

Anyway, its tea time!! And time to put on my Jammie's and just relax. I can't wait until I can go to bed and put this out of my mind for a few hours. Will update tomorrow when I know what the second set of #'s is. Here's hoping...

xox
d

Anxiously Awaiting HCG Levels...

I went in and talked to my Doctor today. He was extremely excited for us. He made me do another pregnancy test for his benefit. He walked back in holding the test and he says,
"Oh My. Thats REALLY positive. Yes, thats definitely a positive."

So I went for my first set of blood work. They are checking my HCG levels and that will give us a pretty good idea as to the direction this pregnancy is heading. If the levels are "high" then there is enough hormone to sustain the baby. (For now anyway..) If they are low..then there isn't enough hormone and it likely means I will miscarry.

Oddly enough I don't really feel all that emotional about the results of the test.
And I don't mean for that to sound awful. But I think that Im in a "lets get this first part done and over with" mode. And Im just focusing on dealing with what is to come. Maybe I don't feel emotion about it because I know in the back of my head that everything will be fine?!
Or maybe I feel kind of detached because I don't want to get to excited or attached so soon. (Especially having suffered a miscarriage already..) I am just really keeping myself from feeling a whole lot right now. If I get to excited then Im worried I will be let down. I KNOW that it will do me absolutely no good to worry about it either. In fact...it will probably make things worse.
Factually I know that with the last pregnancy, the low numbers were a sign of an impending miscarriage. My HCG levels never went past 30. And even more importantly they didn't double every 24 hours like they are supposed to.

I talked to the Doc today and he said that he'd like to see my numbers at , at least 500. He said he wasn't "worried" given the blaring + on the pregnancy test. But I don't know..I know how quickly things can turn around. So Im being optimistic but guarded.
I will get my test results tomorrow evening. My fingers are crossed that it will be good news. But Im prepared to handle whatever he has to tell me. Like I said...part of me feels like everything is going to be okay. But part of me feels like I could loose "this" at any second.

Im still feeling kind gross. And to add to my symptoms, it feels like Ive been punched in the boobies!!! OWWWWWWWWW! And Im ferociously thirsty.
Im trying to avoid the nausea by taking my Diclectin regularly. That seems to be helping so far.
But I still have moments where Im feeling rather ..... green.
Im still sooooo tired. And I don't think that is going to pass anytime to soon. So Im trying to stay on schedule and steal little breaks here and there. I had a nap this evening. I could have stayed in bed.

Lijie is my first focus, and making sure that I keep him going!! He has to go to school every afternoon so I try and prepare for that as much as I can the night before. Getting his laundry done, making sure his back pack is packed up and ready to go, etc etc.

I have so many fears running through my head. Im so nervous about everything. And Im scared to. Im mostly worried about being able to handle everything that needs to be done, and making sure I keep my lips above the proverbial "water line". I keep wondering how Im going to feel in a week and then in 2 weeks and then in 3 weeks. Which I know is ridiculous because...I can't do anything about that now anyway. So Im trying to stay focused on RIGHT NOW and only look an hour into the future.

I catch myself , in the midst of all my feelings of worry and nervousness, feeling very excited.
A summer baby. :) What a great way to start off a new season.
Lijie will just be getting out of school for the summer. Its going to be tough. I know that there are going to be times its insanely busy and crazy. But I also know that it will be wonderful.

Here's hoping that the HCG levels come back promising. I will post when I have more info.
xox
d

Week 1

~October 8th 2007~



I think Im still a little bit in shock.
Saturday morning greeted me with a positive pregnancy test.
After I stared at the test, held it up to the light, turned it upside down, blinked a whole bunch, and then just STARED at it some more, I started shaking.
Holy SHIT! Could this really be happening?

I had pretty much written it off because for the past few days leading up to this, I had had some spotting and some nail biting cramps that had me reaching for the advil.

When I saw this second line pop up on the test, I was pretty skeptical.
So I did 5 more tests just to make sure.
All 6 tests..(one of them a digital) said "Pregnant".



And so here I start this blog at 4 weeks and 3 days pregnant.
As of right now, my blog and this pregnancy shall be kept a secret. Its to early to tell anyone anything. Having suffered a miscarriage last year Ive learned my lesson. I want to wait a bit before I tell anyone anything. I am scheduled for an HCG blood test tomorrow. I will know more once I have the numbers. Its actually the second set of blood work that is more telling than the first. The numbers should double every 24 hours. (The the pregnancy is progressing normally.) So once I get all that done then I will feel better.

Ive been feeling "ok". Im so exaughstedly tired. I could easily sleep all day.
My stomach has been "off". But I went to the walk in clinic Saturday afternoon and one of the fill in Doctors there wrote me a prescription for Diclectin so Ive already started taking that. It seems to help. Given how sick I was with Lijie (couldn't eat anything...and was so terribly nauseous all the time..) I know its only a matter of time. The pharmacist said to start taking it now and hopefully it will already be working by the time I really need it. (I give it another week before I REALLY start to feel gross..) Though Im pretty sure its making me more tired than I already am to begin with. Something else that is really gross...my mouth keeps pooooooling with saliva. *blech*

I have my first Dr's Appt on October 24th. (Which will probably count as my first prenatal.)

I can't believe this is all happening. I am so excited but also so so scared. I don't know why Im scared. Ive done this before. But I just feel nervous and anxious for what is to come. I know that I can't look that far ahead. I am trying to take everything 5 minutes at a time. I know that I have to be cautious for the next little bit..and so Im trying not to let myself get TO excited. I am trying to take naps (or just lay on the couch) when I can, and Im trying to stay as relaxed as possible. Im worried about how Im going to be feeling later on down the road. Im hoping that I am able to keep up with everything, and keep everything running smoothly. (Fingers crossed)
Like I said...trying to take it minutes at a time. I keep telling myself that I can handle whatever comes my way. Even if it ends up being another miscarriage..I know tha I can handle that and get past it..because Ive already done that once to.

Im trying to keep only positive thoughts in my head and every once in awhile I feel such excitement. I can't predict or know what the future holds...but for now, Im just going to take it easy and float with things.

Babies Due Date is Officially: June 14th 2008
A summer baby :)

Anyway..more about everything else later. For now I just want to keep everything quiet. My poor Annie is trying so hard to get pregnant and I know its not happening as fast as she wants it to. (Though its only been a couple of months..when you're "Trying" that feels like forever..)
Every negative test hits her so hard. :( I know that she's not feeling good right now..and that she's down. Part of me feels guilty to be pregnant, when she is struggling so hard to get there.
Im praying for her, and I have my fingers crossed for her. Its hard not being able to share this with her.

Anyway..time to get on doing what needs to be done. After the long weekend I have laundry piled up and cleaning that needs to get done before the week officially starts.
xox
d