36 weeks!!

I have 26 days left!! (According to my ticker...)
WOW!

The past few days have been somewhat eye opening for me.
For the past 6 weeks Ive been really anxious/nervous/scared/etc etc etc about everything. The birth, the baby, how Lijie is going to handle everything, etc etc etc. All things that I have no control over. And all things that are going to happen whether I like it or not, so whats the point in worrying right?

Ive been losing focus on the things Im excited about. Adding to our family, A GIRL, just having her here, smelling her head, introducing her to Lijie, a newborn in the house again, etc etc etc. There are many joys and exciting things to come. I know that there will be days that I'll sit in chaos and wonder, "What in the HELL am I doing?" ...but all those days come to an end eventually. Im ready for whatever will come. I don't have alot of expectations...I will just take things as they come, one day at a time.

Confiding my fears during a recent rant to a friend of mine who is also pregnant (with her 4th!!) very greatly helped to put me back in the moment!! I needed this reminder, so Im including it in my post. Thank you Erin!! I read this over and over again and it helps. :)

Dani...dani.... stop the worries. I did enough of it when I was pregnant with Thor, and in the end, what everyone told me was true...none of the worries matter as soon as you see her little face. All the stuff I was scared about (DO NOT watch your previous birthing videos a month before you're due) well it just didn't matter. I worried about sharing rooms/car seats all the sleepless nights... and it all worked out.

Am I helping, probably not. Here's what I learnt from that pregnancy/birth. Labor will hurt, but it is better each time, it does in fact end, even though it feels as though it never will, and once he was born, I felt something more with him then I had felt with the others...not a greater love, but I was so much more at peace with each child...so I was instantly in love with him, because I knew what to expect and what I was doing. Does that make sense?

I learnt, not to worry, so with this one...ahh whatever, it's gonna hurt, but it will all be okay in the end. It's taken me 4 pregnancies to get to this point though. And now I have to squeeze one more baby into our house/rooms...but it will all be good. They can share, even if they are small rooms...it will work. I'm NOT going to stress myself over things that just don't matter anymore. I have done enough of that.

I think what worries me most these days is the mess/aftermath on my body that is going to be left. The surgeries and what is to come after. That scares me... the unknown. That and well...what will Thor be up to, while I am taking care of/nursing this baby. I think my house will never be the same again.


Ive been feeling pretty good. Very tired...and in need of a nap ALOT of the time. I need to get results of my diabetes test and the Group B strep. Im supposed to go in on the 22nd for another prenatal...I would assume I will get those results then.
I also have another ultrasound booked for thee 30th!! That should be exciting. They will estimate weight and all that good stuff. Launi is paranoid that they are going to say "OH LOOK..its actually a boy." He makes me laugh.
So he is particularily interested in this ultrasound!!!
I just want them to confirm that she isn't 11lbs!!!!

Lijie has his pediatric allergist appointment in calgary that week as well. So its going to be reallllly busy. Im looking forward to that appointment as well. We've had it booked for 10 months. Hopefully it will give us some of the answers that we need.

Anyway..we're chuggin' along...things are looking good. :)